Proverbs 15, Verse 3
"The Lord is watching everywhere and keeps His eye on both the evil and the good."
---
CHIPPED WISDOM:
Our house used to be owned by a Catholic family. They were hardcore, at least in the sense that there were crucifixes (cheap, chintzy ones, mind) everywhere, and they buried a mini statuette of Saint Whatever under the dirt in the flower bed to help their house sell quicker. When we came to see the house for the first time, we noticed a plaque hung over the dining room doorway that read, "Jesus is the silent listener at every conversation". And I thought,
"Pervert."
As funny as it is, at least, in my mind, to imagine a holographic Jesus silently castigating a faithful family of seven as they slander and defame their way through a Thursday night dinner, this is, of course, why man created religion in the first place, right? Look, you can believe it was the other way around if you want, and I respect that, but this is my blog and, as we know, my wisdom is chipped, so: deal. I believe we created religion because we got a little scared of each other, and of ourselves-- we got scared of our impulses and our predilections and our predatory instincts and our propensities and our obscenities and we said, "Whoa. We've got to find some way to put the brakes on this. We need to find something to motivate us to behave."
Stick. Carrot. Whatever.
So, we created the silent listener at every conversation. Because we know ourselves, we know our truest, darkest nature, and we knew we had to do something about it.
Because we're bad.
Because I'm bad.
And, if I'm bad-- you're probably bad, too.
But let's be bad together. I love being bad with you.
I love being bad.
I was bad at the inservice I went to today. I was bad mostly in thought, but I was bad in word-- in malicious, nasty side conversations with my seat mate. I was bad with my eyes, hungrily taking in the pleasant physical attributes of some of the younger female attendees' bodies, seated vulnerably in the row in front of me. There were other sinners among us, I won't pretend I was the only one-- the rampant texters, the narcissists who just HAD to assault us with their profound revelations constantly, those who nodded off periodically. The ones who were late coming back from lunch, and the ones who pretended to give a damn. So we were a roomful of louts and ne'er-do-well's, fakers and phonies, this's and that's, so on's and so forth's, but I want to be the worst one.
Because I love being bad. Mean. Cruel. Spiteful. Cutting.
Some people don't know this about me. They just don't know. They think I'm a nice boy, smart, clean and gentle. But I am precisely the kind of person for whom God was invented: someone who needs a little help walking the straight and narrow, because straying is just too delicious. To see the terrible glint in the eye of someone I've just made laugh with some awful remark is intoxicating. I see it in my mother's eyes-- she was my first addiction, my friends, my coworkers. I need a policeman. I need a lawyer. I need a P.R. rep. I need Jesus, sitting right behind me, breathing softly down my neck. I need to be accountable.
Because, generally speaking, I'm not.
I get away with things, and part of this blog is to let you know all the things that I get away with. To shake you. To make you understand. So that you'll confront me. Call me out on it. Expose me. Accuse me. Turn on me.
Maybe that's what I want.
I don't know that I could recover from it, though, if you did.
I was listening on the radio today to some sound bytes of people talking about the Defense of Marriage Act and how marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman and how "I'm against gay marriage because I'm against gay couples" and all of this vile, ugly, nasty prejudice and hate is, of course, heavily cloaked in this self-righteous, base religious dogma and I was thinking to myself, "Wow-- is Jesus the silent listener at this dumb fuck's conversation, too?" And, if he is, I wish to hell he'd speak up and slap these people in the head. I just can't fathom how these people don't see their bigotry for what it is: just plain old bad behavior. They're behaving badly. It's wrong to oppress people. It's bad.
And, I guess they like being bad.
It's funny-- I don't believe in God or Jesus or hocus pocus anymore than I believe that the sun'll come out tomorrow, but I do believe in scaring yourself into behaving. I believe there is value in that. I think that, whatever you have to do to make that happen, whether it's force yourself to believe in the improbability of God or the hereafter, or recognize the importance of social conformity and behavioral norms, or whether it's to get laid or get a little bit up the ladder or to get a seat next to the red head on the train-- whatever: do it. Scare yourself. Because when we lose that, when we go through life believing that there is no silent listener at the table, I shake to think what we would say and do.
And by "we" I, of course, mean "me".
You I trust.
It's not you, honey. It's me.
No comments:
Post a Comment