WRONG, SIR! WRONG!

CHIP OF WISDOM:

Proverbs 2, Verse 15

"Everything they do is crooked and wrong."

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CHIPPED WISDOM:

Once upon a time, I got it into my head that I am a bad boy.  This is perhaps as unfortunate as the day when I had my first drink of coffee.  Being the son of an Israeli, that occurred when I was eight years old.  It's highly likely that this notion of my inherent badness got sparked at around the same time-- though I doubt the same instant.  

It's hard to think about anything negative when you're drinking coffee-- especially for the first time.  

I've often tried to think about what happened to my fragile little psyche, and why-- but I've never really been able to piece it together.  Sure, there are theories-- theories that I have, that my psychologist probably has.  I don't know if my parents have any theories on this.  They're probably just stupefied that I'd think that way, because, in spite of my many and varied attempts to convince them otherwise, they are convinced that I'm the Risen Lord Jesus.  In corduroys.  

It would be much easier to blame the nuns.  Catholic kids have it easier, I think, because they can pin their abysmal self-esteem on those filthy fucking penguins-- those bitches in black.  I feel sorry for Catholic kids who went through parochial school because, really, they never had a chance-- unless they conformed to the sisters' ideals of what a "good boy" is-- vapid, vacuous, obedient, physically strong, good looking-- I was going to say "intelligent", but I'm not so sure how much value is placed on intelligence in Catholic school, especially if you have the other aforementioned traits going for you.  

Have I offended anyone out there yet?  God, I hope so.  

But, as much as I wanted to go to Catholic school when I was a boy-- so I could wear plaid ties and v-neck sweater every day and not be called a fag (well, at least for how I dressed) I don't have any nuns to blame for my atrocious self-image-- not even the nun I accosted at the Shop 'N Bag when I was four and asked if she was in "The Sound of Music."  Hopefully I contributed to her atrocious self-image.  But I doubt it.

It's exhausting and annoying-- going through your life thinking that every thought or action or impulse is wrong and bad, that you're corrupt or fake or opportunistic or shallow.  It's even worse when other people don't look at you that way, and you can't help but look at them and think, "What are you-- fucking stupid?  Don't you see me?  Don't you get it?"  

And they don't.  People see what they want to see, and they make myths and stories and pass judgments and gas and it's all very silly when you get right down to it.  

There's a lot more that I want to write, but it's silly, too.  And I have a book I want to read.  It's about airplane crashes.  Go figure, right?